4 Ways A Porn Habit Might Disconnect You From Reality

 Porn viewers can become so obsessed with chasing something that isn’t real that they miss out on relationships and building connections.

June 16, 2021

This article contains affiliate links. Fight the New Drug may receive financial support from purchases made using affiliate links.

People turn to porn for many reasons—curiosity and education, thrill, connection, chasing a high, or sexual gratification. On the surface, these may seem harmless, but over the long haul, porn can turn into a trap.

Whatever fleeting good feelings consuming porn might initially bring, they can slowly be replaced over time by their opposites. The consumer is left chasing ghosts of those first thrills. That first thrill can turn to frustration as the same kinds of porn fails to engage you as before and your brain acclimates to constant escalating content. Perhaps worst of all is the way that porn, over time, can leave its consumers increasingly disconnected from friends, family, and the world around them, especially if they carry shame from their habit.

There are many ways the exaggerated fantasy of porn takes the consumer further away from healthy perception and expectations of reality, but here are just four ways porn can create a disconnect and where you can get help if you need it.

1. Porn can lead to and fuel existing depression

Pornography, along with other addictions, floods the brain with dopamine and can provide a temporary escape from feelings you’d rather not face, like sadness, fear, anger or boredom. It can serve as a momentary haven away from real-life problems, but in turn, it can worsen those problems over time.

Check out what a study published in 2017 found about developing a possible compulsion if someone turns to porn for coping reasons: “So far, the results are in line with the prediction that the dysfunctional use of Internet pornography to cope with depressive mood or stress might be considered as a risk factor for developing a pornography addiction.”

There’s more research to confirm that idea. Consider what one study published in 2020 found about people who turn to porn to cope with life’s negative emotions. According to this study’s findings, when porn consumers turn to porn to self-medicate and relieve negative emotions like boredom or stress, they’re much more likely to develop much more frequent porn habits. And when they’re more likely to develop frequent porn habits, they’re more likely to develop “problematic porn use,” meaning a porn habit that is disruptive to their life and well-being.

And what does cyclical problematic porn consumption fuel? More loneliness, more relational distress, more negative things in life that a consumer might try to escape from according to this other study published in 2017. Researchers found that while emotional attachment in relationships can center someone’s sexual expression and prevent them from forming compulsive porn habits, the long-term effects of a porn habit were found to be connected to more loneliness, more isolation, and more relational turmoil.

It can be a cycle, but you can break free from it.

The truth is, porn is a poor substitute for happiness. It presents a fake model of relationships that distort reality and the type of connections we need and are hard-wired for as humans.

2. Porn can lead to and fuel existing anxiety

The toll pornography takes on mental health is real, and it can seriously disconnect consumers from reality. Many turn to porn to cover up the way they feel about their lives, themselves, and relationships. Comparing yourself—and your partner—to the performers in porn can prove to be damaging, causing you to think less of yourself and the person you love.

Take it from Jay Stringer, a researcher and licensed mental health counselor:

“When we’re anxious, our brains naturally seek out behaviors that provide us with an opportunity to find relief. What we actually need however is to develop an inner life capable of tolerating anxiety. Instead, porn offers us a shortcut to experience temporary calm and control. As a consequence of outsourcing a solution, we never develop the internal resources for growth.

When you pursue porn as a shortcut to reduce anxiety, your brain forms new neuropathways to connect what you’re doing to the pleasure you’re feeling.”

But that’s not all porn can cause. Research also shows that the increase of pornography in society is a cause for body image anxiety and is fueling an increasing number of women seeking plastic surgery to change their bodies, and the increase in young men seeking male enhancement procedures.

Driving the wedge between you and reality further, porn also presents a manufactured idea of what sex is supposed to be like. But the fact is, it’s impossible to measure up to airbrushed fantasy and overly exaggerated acting. But even so, consumers can often become obsessed with chasing something that isn’t real that they miss out on actual relationships and building real, authentic connections.

3. Porn can harm your sex life and understanding of sex

Porn can lead to bad or less enjoyable sex. Ironic, right? Consumers turn to porn because it turns them on and shows them a fantasy world of nonstop sex. Then, when consumers are actually with someone, after being exposed to so much unrealistic sexual explicit content, their can body shut down—they can’t perform. The reality of a real person with wrinkles, flaws, and quirks who doesn’t necessarily act like or look like a porn performer just doesn’t measure up.

Welcome to porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). Once upon a time, erectile dysfunction was something pretty much only middle-aged dudes got. Now, with the rise of internet porn, it’s the territory of binge-watching young guys. But don’t take our word for it, check out people like Gabe Deem of Reboot Nation or our Fighters who are opening up about their experiences with it.

The reality is, porn can inhibit consumers from not only being sexually healthy, but also from feeling socially able to connect to a potential partner, and cause them to shy away from real-life connections, at times. Real sex becomes not as exciting as the pornography, and soon the consumer is potentially dealing with serious sexual problems. This is just another way porn disconnects consumers from reality.

4. Porn can cause crippling shame

If social media is any indicator, generally, people don’t feel very good or proud about their porn habit. You know the common movie or TV show scene, depicting porn consumers hiding their porn magazines under their mattresses or locking their doors as they power up their laptops.

We get messages all over the world from porn consumers who have expressed that they’ve felt like a “bad” person with no value because of their habits. Maybe that’s because, once you strip away the makeup, the camera angles, and the editing, porn doesn’t really make consumers feel very excellent about themselves and life. It’s a feeling that sticks with you after the video ends—the embarrassment, the self-loathing, the feelings of worthlessness linger. And to make matters worse, it turns out that self-inflicted shame is a breeding ground for more issues like social isolation, separating consumers further from a healthy lifestyle and reality.

As if that’s not enough, there are those who add to that shame by treating people addicted to porn as the enemies. This kind of shaming can result in crippling self-esteem and outright depression.

Love and Understanding

 Are the Keys to Reconnecting

Bottom line—porn is never worth it. The power porn has to disconnect consumers from reality isn’t something to joke about. It can erode your mental health, and harm the quality of your personal connections, leaving you isolated and disconnected yet craving more.

Thankfully, if you’re struggling, there is hope, and there is help. You aren’t alone.

Are sexual desires inherently sinful?

 

👉 _below is the answer

👉 Sexuality and reproduction are fundamental parts of being alive. All living creatures have some sort of reproductive urges because God decreed sexuality to be the way most of creation would perpetuate the various species. For animals, sexual urges are merely physical drives like hunger or thirst. But for human beings, sexuality also involves emotional bonding, spirituality, self-control, and psychological intimacy. Our sexuality is an integral part of who we are, but it does not define us. We are more than our sexuality, and God expects us to master it, not allow it to master us. Being designed by God, sexual desires are not inherently sinful. They are good, but they are to be controlled and brought under subjection to God’s moral law (1 Corinthians 7:8–9)._

🥦 We cannot separate our identity from our sexuality, our gender, or our desires. Sexuality is a basic part of our personhood; however, sexuality is not synonymous with our personhood. We are not our sexuality, our gender, or our desires. Those are aspects of, but not definers of, our personhood.

🍈 We were created in the image of God, and we cannot understand ourselves unless we begin with that fact (Genesis 1:27). Created in God’s image, human beings, unlike animals and plants, have an eternal spirit just as God has. We were designed to live in continual communion with Him in our spirits, but in order to do that, we must keep our physical bodies in subjection to that spirit (1 Corinthians 9:27). When we allow sexual desires to determine our lifestyle or dominate our behavior, we are living like animals rather than the highest form of God’s earthly creation. When sexual desires are given free rein, we live as if we did not bear God’s image.

🕹️ Sexual desires, although not sinful in themselves, become sinful when they veer outside the boundaries that God established for them. When God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper for him” (Genesis 2:18), He instituted marital sexuality as part of His good plan (Genesis 1:31). God’s design for human sexuality was that it would be a physical and spiritual consummation of a man and woman becoming “one flesh” in a lifelong covenant (Genesis 2:21–24). Jesus reiterated this concept when He was asked about divorce. He answered, “‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:5–6).

🏵️ Satan has always perverted whatever God creates as good. Sexuality is one area in which he has had great success by convincing millions of people that their sexual desires should determine the course of their lives. The evil one gains control of our sexuality through various means, and he exploits the selfishness in every human heart. By perverting God’s good gift of sexuality, Satan twists our healthy sexual desires into something dirty, evil, or harmful. When we tune in to his suggestions rather than adhere to God’s design, we fall into one of his traps. Satan’s handiwork is seen in the proliferation of homosexuality, child abuse, sex trafficking, rape, abortion, bestiality, gender identity crises, and transsexualism. All those disorders are perversions of natural sexual desires.

👉 We can compare sexual desires to electricity. Electricity is a wonderful discovery, and when harnessed correctly and channeled, electricity greatly benefits humanity. But the power of electricity must be used correctly, or it can destroy. When an electrical cord is plugged into a well-grounded outlet, good results. But if we stick a fork into that same outlet, destruction results. So it is with sexuality. When we limit our natural sexual desires to those avenues God designed for them, good results. But when we violate His design through immorality, adultery, or some perverted expression of sexuality, destruction results. God’s gifts come with instructions. When we follow those instructions, we experience the good He intended for us.

What I Told My 10-Year-Old Son When He Confessed To Watching Porn

 Fight the New Drug

 “Since then, our relationship as father and son has blossomed into something more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined.”

June 8, 2021

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

In our digitized world, it’s not a question of if kids will access porn, but when.

It’s a sad fact, but parents can be ready for when it happens. This end of post is by our affiliate partners at Bark, who have amazing tech solutions for monitoring devices while building trust—read on for more info.

_____

How my 10-year-old son’s battle with porn brought us together

My son came forward on his own about six weeks ago pleading…begging…to “make it stop Daddy!”

His “friend” introduced him to porn videos and even knew when to “shut it off” before his Mom made her way down the hall to “check on them.”

We find ourselves lucky and even grateful because he came to us…we didn’t have to catch him. Truth is he showed ZERO signs that anything was off, so had he not come forward, I don’t think we would have ever known! He hid his pain well.

That said… your little angel you think isn’t struggling probably is, or has some heavy thoughts, images, and emotions they don’t quite know how to process.

Now, that’s not always the case for most kids, so if you catch your kid in the act, pull them aside lovingly. They’re in enough pain—believe it or not—already, and it’s killing them inside despite what you might think. As enticing as porn is, they want out. They don’t know how to break the barriers of shame, guilt, and embarrassment. It’s too much for their minds to handle between the ages of five and 17 years old, in my opinion. My son is ten years old, and his battle is fierce.

Since then, our relationship as father and son has blossomed into something more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined. In our first big talk, I explained to him that when an alcoholic seeks help to stop alcoholism, they find a sponsor, a life coach. I said, “Son, what if I was your sponsor. Your life coach?” He replied, “Yes, Daddy, I want you as my sponsor.”

For the last six weeks or more, we have been “cleaning out the closet” every morning or evening for about an hour. We talk about anything he wants. It mostly boils down to understanding just how normal he actually is for the thoughts, images, and feelings that have been provoked due to the introduction of porn and understanding where to draw the line and where there is personal accountability. There is no shame, here, only love and honesty.

We talk about anything and everything you can imagine now in a way that builds confidence again, self-respect, self-awareness, self-care, and self-love.

Our talks will continue daily and it’s no longer awkward to talk about sex. It’s just a normal conversation between father and son. He knows that because porn opened his eyes to a world he wishes didn’t exist, he knows it’s his battle for the rest of his life—to choose in or out—and he’s accepted that challenge.

His healing process has been amazing. Heartbreaking, but amazing.

–R., a Fighter

Pornography is everywhere – by Matt McKee

Whether we like it or not, children today will be exposed to pornography. It’s not a matter of if, but when. Preparing yourself now instead of waiting until it happens will help you get ahead of the situation. And remember,

What to do when you find out your child’s been exposed to pornography online.

Stay calm. How you react to finding out that your child has viewed porn will be remembered far more than the material itself. Have a conversation, not a shouting match.

Be supportive, not scolding. Your child is probably unsure of how they feel about what they just witnessed. They may feel ashamed, or they may be curious. Understanding where your child is in terms of this content is key. As a parent, you want to be able to see through your child’s eyes. Being supportive is the only way to do this.

Build trust while setting expectations. More than likely this is a journey and not a one-time experience. Let your child know how your family deals with this type of content. Fortunately, the relationship you have with your child is stronger than any content they’ve seen.

Keep asking questions. Continuing the conversation over weeks, months, and years will be the best thing you can do. Check in from time to time, and don’t shy away when the subject arises. This way, an awkward situation turns into an opportunity to strengthen communication with your child.

Put filtering and monitoring systems in place. Don’t just put your head in the sand. The same technology that causes problems can also create solutions. There are amazing tools out there that not only block content, but also let you know what your child is doing online. Put these in place now.

About the author

Matt McKee is Vice President of Strategic Partnerships at Bark, and the author of Parent Chat: The Technology Talk for Every Family. He’s passionate about helping families navigate the world of technology, and enabling kids to thrive throughout a digital adolescence.

WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS FROM PORN ADDICTION

 

Trying to break a porn addiction can produce withdrawal symptoms that make quitting incredibly difficult. Porn has a major impact on your brain, so when you are working to quit porn, your brain will go through some significant changes.  Your Brain on Porn, Luke Gilkerson describes some of these chemical changes:

“When sexually stimulated, dopamine is released into a region of the brain responsible for emotion and learning, giving the viewer a sense of sharp focus and an awareness of craving: ‘I have got to have this thing; this is what I need right now.’ Dopamine supplies a great sense of pleasure. The next time the viewer gets the itch for more sexual gratification, small packets of dopamine are released in the brain, saying, ‘Remember where you got your fix last time. Go there to get it.'”

10 Common Porn Withdrawal Symptoms

Have you ever experienced a symptom of porn addiction withdrawal when trying to avoid porn? Linda L. Simmons, Psy.D., says this is simply a part of the addictive cycle, “When pornography is stopped, withdrawal symptoms will likely be experienced—irritability, anxiety, frustration, and so forth.”

Here are 10 common porn withdrawal symptoms:

1. Mood Swings

One second you feel peaceful and rested. The next second you’re enraged and struggling to keep it together. Your body was used to the consistency that accompanied your porn usage. It knows that for a certain amount of time each day, it’s going to get the “satisfaction” it needs. Emotionally, you knew what to expect.

Now, that consistency is gone. Your emotions may be out of whack because you are no longer meeting the needs that your body has come to expect on a daily basis. This can result in mood swings, outbursts, and irregular emotional behaviors, as your brain attempts to rebalance.

2. Loss of Libido

Pornography creates an unattainable fantasy in our mind—something that we want to attain in our own sex life but realistically cannot. After living in this fantasy world for so long, quitting porn can result in a loss of libido (sex drive). Real sex is beautiful and romantic, but our brains are trained to expect the fantasy we watch in porn. This decreases our desire to have sex with our significant other (which can lead to many of the other withdrawal symptoms listed here!).

3. Insomnia

For some, after dark is their “time” when they watch porn. Quitting porn means that instead of staring at a screen until the wee hours of the night, you’re left staring at the ceiling, struggling to sleep. Your brain is so accustomed to the nightly routine of watching porn, that it quite literally cannot turn off and go to sleep.

4. Social Anxiety

If you’re single, social anxiety may feel extra heightened during porn withdrawal. The time you used to spend at home alone watching porn must now be replaced by healthy habits. For many, this means stepping out into public and finding productive distractions with other humans (social gatherings, church, group workouts, etc.). These can all be beneficial to overcoming porn, but when you’re not used to being around others, it can create social anxiety that might even lead to other withdrawal symptoms. Instead of watching porn, you’re now talking with real-life people and deriving your happiness and emotional satisfaction from conversation and interaction. This can be quite the adjustment!

5. Headaches

It’s important to remember that quitting porn is chemically similar to quitting a drug (smoking, caffeine, illegal substances, etc.). Your brain must adjust and reset its chemical makeup to return to a sense of normalcy that was experienced prior to addiction. Similar to the headaches I experienced when I tried to give up caffeine, pornography withdrawal can cause headaches as well.

This is normal, and it’s hugely due to the stress and hormonal imbalance that accompany your brain’s neurochemical alterations.

6. Fatigue

Aside from the fatigue that insomnia inevitably causes, you may experience exhaustion from the massive changes that your body is undergoing during porn withdrawal. When our bodies are undergoing any form of stress, they must shift into overdrive to fight that stress. This results in fatigue and sometimes even a weakened immune system. Quitting porn no doubt will induce some level of stress, so don’t be alarmed if you feel more exhausted than normal.

7. Irritability

The one thing that satisfied your desires and cravings—porn—is now removed from your life. Of course you’re going to feel irritable! By not being able to watch what you crave to see, you’re left feeling dissatisfied and bored, both of which can cause extreme irritability. The stress from porn withdrawal (a common theme in each symptom) can also lead to an overall feeling of grumpiness.

8. Anxiety

Anxiety can be a symptom of porn withdrawal for many various reasons. Perhaps you’ve quit porn and now are asking yourself, “What’s next?” How will you live a normal life without porn? Or, you might be feeling anxiety over the thought of telling someone about your addiction and recovery. What will they think of you? If you have a significant other, will your relationship be destroyed?

9. Depression

Have you noticed a common theme yet? Porn and the symptoms associated with withdrawal impact our mental health. In the long run, quitting porn will improve your mental health, but in the heat of porn addiction withdrawal, you may find yourself feeling more depressed than normal.

Your life and body just underwent a major change, so feeling down as you work to quit porn is not out of the ordinary. You cannot have what your mind craves, and the other porn withdrawal symptoms you feel have the potential to band together and leave you feeling even more depressed.

10. Intrusive Thoughts

Now that you’ve decided to quit watching porn (have I mentioned how amazing this decision is?!), you may experience a wide range of intrusive thoughts. If you’re in the early stages of withdrawal, you might still be thinking about porn. It could be be a constant moral conflict in your mind. And even if you aren’t watching porn anymore, the fantasies and images can still replay in your mind and imagination.

You also might be feeling overwhelming thoughts of shame. Although I am here to tell you that you should not let yourself be trapped in the far-too-common shame cycle that accompanies porn addiction, the reality of the matter is that you are likely to feel a sense of shame. This shame can lead to even more damaging thoughts. Is my relationship doomed? Will I ever feel normal again? How did I let this happen?

3 Ways to Manage Porn Addiction Withdrawal

The first thing to keep in mind as you experience the common symptoms of porn withdrawal is this: they will eventually stop. After battling two weeks of mind-numbing headaches from my caffeine withdrawal, I woke up one morning and was headache-free. My brain had adjusted to the fact that I would no longer be consuming a shot of espresso every morning at 10 a.m.

However, as you’re in the thick of quitting porn, there are a few steps you can take to combat the withdrawal symptoms and stay on the path to recovery.

Start going to counseling/therapy.

There are many different “genres” of therapy, and finding someone trained to ask you the right questions and prompts can make a huge difference in dealing with porn addiction. Not only will a counselor or therapist be able to guide you through the psychology of overcoming addiction, but they can also act as a sort of accountability partner in your journey to stay free from porn!

Avoid being alone.

In the midst of the withdrawal symptoms you are feeling, it will be easy to just want to be alone (scroll back up to the social anxiety discussed in point #4). In moments of crisis, especially when temptation levels are high, being alone has the potential to only worsen your symptoms.

Now, I’m not saying to dive headfirst into society and spend as much time with as many people as possible. But, take a look at your daily life and see what you can do to involve others. Scientifically, humans need interaction with others to thrive (some more than others), so join the gym or a book club. Plan a game night! Even just texting a friend once a day can break up the withdrawal symptoms you are feeling and give you a bit of refreshment.

Keep learning about the “why” behind your symptoms.

Knowing the “why” behind what you’re feeling will make all the difference in how you respond and react.

CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR CHOICES ARE RIGHT BEHIND YOU...THEY WILL SOON CATCH UP.

 

"Bro, i can't go a day without watching porn. In fact i even watch it early morning before going to church (even on days when i preach). Its so bad man, i can't get erect when trying to be intimate with my wife but i can get an erection in seconds of watching porn. I am a mess bro, my thoughts are very graphic. All the scenes of pornography that i watch keep replaying in my mind. I really need help!"

Gal 6:7-8: "But don't delude yourselves: God cannot be tricked or fooled, and his methods cannot be evaded. A person actually reaps what they sow; a person actually receives the results of their own choices. The one who indulges the selfish nature will experience the natural consequences of a damaged mind — increased fear, broken relationships, separation from God, and eventual death; but the one who chooses to follow the Spirit, from the Spirit they will experience a healed mind, internal peace, unity with God, and eternal life." The Remedy Bible

You will reap what you sow. That is a divine principle. Years of indulging in sexual vices change your brain's neural pathways. Years of watching porn, habitual masturbation and sleeping around transform your mind. You eventually become enslaved by your habits before you know it you are entrapped.You cannot evade the consequences.

Rom 6:16: "Don't you realize that when you gratify selfish desires, you are being slowly transformed and become more and more selfish, destroying the very faculties that recognize and respond to God's healing truth? Don't you realize that over time you lose your freedom to choose and become a slave to selfishness and lust, which lead only to self-destruction and death? Conversely, if you accept God's gracious Remedy and choose his methods, you are transformed and become Christlike in character." The Remedy Bible

You cannot continue on the path you are in right now and not be harmed. Stop digging your own grave. You can begin your recovery journey TODAY. Stop ignoring God's pleading voice. 

Heb 3:15: "As Scripture says, “If you hear what God is saying to you today, don't have a hard-hearted attitude like the time you rebelled against him.”" FBV

ARE YOU STRUGGLING WITH SEXUAL BROKENNESS(Pornography, masturbation and illicit sex addiction)?

Do you feel stuck?

Are you tired of fighting a losing battle?

Are you losing hope?

Do not fight your battle ALONE. Contact: @makeiteasy7

10 Big Differences Between Healthy Sex And The Sex Porn Portrays

 

Porn isn’t produced with accurate information about sex in mind, it’s created to entertain and manifest fantasies—no matter how violent or violating

Have you ever watched a movie and found yourself thinking something along the lines of, “That is not what happens in real life!”

When we watch movies or TV shows, even though we know that they’re fake, we expect them to accurately imitate real life. Our brains want realism and logic to be able to fit into the media we consume, despite the fact that things like movies aren’t necessarily seeking to do this 100%—they’re seeking to entertain and get money from the viewers.

Think about the way that romantic comedies might provide unrealistic expectations for our first relationship, or a spy movie allows us to think that there’s always a gadget or a trick on-hand for a secret agent, no matter the situation.

When a movie is about something we know a lot about and have direct experience in, we are obviously going to notice the flaws portrayed. However, when a movie is about something that we don’t have experience in, or know very little about, we tend to trust that the movie is more accurate because this is the only information we have.

Think about it: How are we supposed to know what actually goes on in the CIA, unless we do some heavy research or become a secret agent? Or, how are we supposed to know what our first kiss will be like until we actually have it? Absorbing this information paves the way forming expectations.

This has been true since the dawn of time, however, movies aren’t the only media shaping our expectations.

Porn is shaping our culture’s sex expectations

Pornography is also guilty of shaping consumers’ expectations, particularly of sex, which is only made worse when you consider that the average age of exposure to pornography is between 8-11 years old, and that 60% of students turn to porn to learn about sex.

We have entered into a world where people who don’t have any personal experience with sex are learning everything they know from pornography—and as you can imagine, porn is not a good teacher. It isn’t produced with accurate education in mind, it’s created to entertain and manifest fantasies, no matter how violent or violating.

The sex portrayed in mainstream porn today is not healthy, plain and simple. If you don’t believe us, we compiled a list of ten of the main differences between healthy sex and the sex shown in porn.

1. Porn Sex: Sex is using someone.

Healthy Sex: Sex is caring for someone.

Porn sends the message that people are objects; tools to be used to gratify a desire, no matter the cost. Healthy sex is about individuals seeing each other’s humanity and being selfless.

2. Porn Sex: Partners have sex “at” each other.

Healthy Sex: Sex is sharing a moment with a partner.

When sex is healthy, it can be an act of togetherness. Porn displays sex as simply an act being done to a person, again, degrading them and creating a selfish sense of independence between the persons involved. Healthy sex is more unified, and keeps the other person’s desire in mind.

3. Porn Sex: Sex is separate from emotion and love.

Healthy Sex: Sex is an expression of intimacy.

Porn compartmentalizes sex and affection. Often, little that is portrayed in the mainstream porn world can even be described as an act of love, and might better be described as an act of domination and hate. Healthy sex can be an expression of love and feeling between equal individuals, building upon intimacy in a relationship.

4. Porn Sex: Sex can be hurtful.

Healthy Sex: Sex is nurturing.

Porn sells the idea that sometimes sex can and should be used as a weapon, or as punishment. This is dangerous and unhealthy. In reality, healthy sex should be a controlled act of care, not something that harms them.

5. Porn Sex: Sex is emotionally distant.

Healthy Sex: Sex is emotionally close.

It’s no wonder that the degrading, objectifying sex of pornography is emotionally distant. Healthy sex includes emotional investment and recognizing the emotional needs, desires, and delicacies between partners. Sounds a little better, doesn’t it?

6. Porn Sex: Sex can happen anytime with anyone.

Healthy Sex: Sex requires certain conditions.

Pornography would have you believe that anyone can suddenly start having sex with another person at any minute (and enjoy it). It downgrades communication, consent, and emotions, among numerous other factors that are all at play when sex might be able to occur.

7. Porn Sex: Sex can be degrading.

Healthy Sex: Sex is always respectful.

Degradation should never be allowed into the formula for sex. The very base of healthy sex is mutual respect. A lack of respect results in hurt feelings at best, and violence and abuse at worst, but porn would have you believe that degrading people doesn’t matter as long as you’re pleasured—or even that the people being degraded enjoy it or deserve it.

8. Porn Sex: Sex lacks healthy communication.

Healthy Sex: Sex requires healthy communication.

Meaningful communication is nearly absent from pornography, and when it’s present, you could hardly call it healthy (i.e. name calling, verbal abuse). Porn makes talking seem like a mood killer, but communicating likes, dislikes, or other thoughts during sex promotes healthier, safer, and all-around better sex and better connection with your partner.

Often, performers list out “do’s and don’ts” before filming starts, but the consumer doesn’t see that side of the production—only the edited and finished product.

9. Porn Sex: Sex has no limits, anything goes.

Healthy Sex: Sex has set boundaries.

In pornography, anything you want to do is okay to do. No matter how unacceptable—be it sexist, racist, abusive, illegal, etc. The rule seems to be, if it provides pleasure to someone, then it is acceptable. There’s really no such thing as “harmless” fantasy when we know how indulging these thoughts can influence our perceptions and actions (see How Porn Affects Sexual Tastes). Fantasizing sex where anything and everything is acceptable and exciting can start consumers down a dangerous, slippery slope.

10.Porn Sex: Sex compromises your values.

Healthy Sex: Sex reflects your values.

Sex should never be something that causes a disconnect from the things someone values and feels comfortable and safe doing. During healthy sex, people don’t have to check their values at the door; rather, people get to see those values exemplified and feel safe and comfortable doing so.

Anti-porn is pro-sex

Hopefully, by now it’s obvious that being anti-porn goes hand-in-hand with being pro-sex. Pornography is simply incompatible with healthy sex in what it portrays and what research shows it results in between partners. Healthy sex is a mutual, respectful act between two consenting adults who can hold onto their emotions and intimacy without feeling compromised.

Don’t buy the lies pornography sells—join the fight today to help raise awareness of how pornography robs people of healthy understandings of sex.

WOULD YOU...

 

Masturbate, watch porn or have illicit sex in God's presence?

Num 25:1,6: "While Israel stayed at Shittim, the people were not faithful to the Lord and began to have sex with the daughters of Moab. … Then one of the people of Israel came and brought a Midianite woman to his family. Moses and all the people of Israel saw this while they were crying at the door of the meeting tent." NLV

Yes it once happened before. At one point the Israelite men were taking Moabite women to have sex with them in their camping ground right before the physical manifestation of God's presence in the tarbenacle. God was not happy about it and instructed Moses that those doing so should die. Moses and the rest of the Israelites were moved and went before the tarbenacle to plead with God and a very arrogant Israelite man appeared at thar time dragging a Moabite woman to have sex with her in his tent while others were praying for God's mercy.

When you are watching porn in your room is God there with you in your room as you do it?

When you are masturbating  in your room is God there with you in your room as you do it?

When you are having illicit sex in your room is God there with you in your room as you do it?

What is my point?

For you to watch porn, masturbate and have illicit sex you have to mentally do this:

1. Convince yourself that for that moment God does NOT exist- He is not there. If you believed He was there with you , you would not do it.( You mentally kill God in your mind in order to give yourself permission to do that which you belive He does not approve. In that moment...YOU are God and there is no other)

2. If you believe He is there watching you, you have to convince yourself that for that moment that He doesn't care about you and is an evil person therefore you are just going to go ahead to do it as He watches to fix Him.

"If He is so loving why did He give me strong sexual urges which are difficult to control? Its His fault that i feel horny!!!"

Sex, masturbation and viewing of porn at certain times may become an act of rebellion against God.

Do you feel stuck in a sexual habit?

Have you tried getting control over it but you keep falling back into it again and again?

Have you lost hope and are almost giving up?

Contact us: 0724591335

Your porn usage torments your marriage

 

Your porn usage torments your marriage

 Even the strongest marriages decay under the sin of lust. Fighting, distance, and decreased sexual intimacy are all results of succumbing to this temptation. 

“Connecting emotionally, spiritually, and sexually began to fall apart. Things were miserable. We were fighting every night. These were not just little arguments, but disastrous bouts. I thought about that time just the other day and wept.” 

“Sex had not been easy from the get go. He confessed to a continued addiction that led to an online/phone affair. This made our sexual intimacy, or what had been a lack thereof, make complete sense.”

“We became distant and felt like there was a huge gap between us. I have to say we went months without any intimacy. At that time I felt very low.” 

“I thought I should pack up and go, thinking about our kids and not wanting them exposed to that. How could I trust him when he lied again? If he’s looking at porn, will he eventually have an affair?”

Taking steps away from porn gives your wife hope and trust For those wives who have husbands who are currently experiencing victory over the temptation of pornography, there is much blessing. The Lord has given these women grace to extend a hand of forgiveness to their husbands as they take steps away from porn.

A Way Out

 

If you cannot say no to an emotion, relationship, behavior, or the like, you are not free but bound. The apostle Paul describes what it is like to be stuck in a pattern you cannot escape: For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. . . . For I know that nothing good dwells in me . . . for the willing [to live right] is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. —ROMANS 7:15, 18–19, NAS 

Anyone who has been trapped in a cycle of unwanted behavior can identify with this passage. Even in the midst of the act we sense ourselves losing the struggle to overcome our self-defeating habits, incapacitating emotional pain, and debilitating addictions to the persistence of our cravings. Weak-willed, we seek the momentary satisfaction of taking that drug; drinking that shot to mitigate the pain, depression, and despondency; or eating that extra helping (or third or fourth!) to comfort our souls. We cut down that coworker to show her who really has the power. We talk behind the back of that friend who has betrayed us. We belittle those in authority who have abused us organizationally, corporately, or personally. We click back to that pornographic website for self-pleasure because seeking connection with others is too painful. We abuse those we say we love because we have neither the integrity nor the emotional reserves to accept personal responsibility and deal with our shame and self-hatred. We give in to the urge to reach one more level in that video game. We light just one more “last” cigarette, linger those extra minutes away from our workstations, stay that much later at the office rather than face the pressures at home, savor that grudge, justify not forgiving or trusting someone, or any of a number of other things that keep us from addressing the things that are preventing us from living a life of joy, fulfillment, and purpose. 

As we make decisions we know are not the most appropriate, we undermine our own greatness, believing the lies that “nothing good dwells in me” and that we are neither good enough nor strong enough to do any better. We dismiss our errant proclivities by saying, “I’m only human,” as if being human means we cannot overcome our weaknesses. You are created in the image and likeness of God. He did not create you to go through life flawed but fabulous. But without the proper tools, no matter how hard we will ourselves to do right, we still don’t seem to succeed. 

The good we want to do, we don’t do, and the evil we don’t want to do, we do. 

We fight a battle—a seemingly losing battle—within ourselves. We think we must be beyond help. The bad within us is too strong, and we are doomed to live in this downward cycle for the rest of our lives. And so we throw in the proverbial towel. “You can make a decision today to rid yourself of the pain of yesterday so that you can live with peace tomorrow.” We tell ourselves, “If it is not one thing it’s another.” We get over one hurdle only to see another one just around the corner and we think, “This is as good as it gets.” “Things will never change.” “It doesn’t make sense trying to get up; I always get knocked down.” “I never get a break.” If you have ever felt even a tinge of this, I am here to tell you that you are being deceived. 

The person Paul describes in Romans 7 is not someone beyond hope, it is simply a person who has yet to embrace the power to change that Jesus Christ wants to give each of us. That person in Romans 7 is not a hopeless individual—but the person we all are without the liberating power of Christ in our lives. I am not saying that addictions, habits, dysfunction, abuse, and codependency aren’t real. I am saying, more importantly, that liberty from these conditions is available. The price has been paid that we might be free to be the change we want to see in the world. But if we remain ignorant of how to accept what God has already provided for us, we will never step into the richness of all we were created to be. Those of us who live in America often take our national and individual freedom for granted. There are so many who would risk their lives to have the freedom we enjoy. They live in daily fear because their rights have been robbed from them by oppressive governments, or worse still, anti-government rebels. So I ask, what is your true freedom worth to you? You can make a decision today to rid yourself of the pain of yesterday so that you can live with peace tomorrow. To do so, you must learn a new way of dealing with old pain and problems. 

You will have to trust the Lord as He guides you through a path that at times will seem counter intuitive. Yet in the end you will look back on the journey with gratitude that you, like every freedom fighter, were willing to fight your way from a place of bondage to a new place in God—a place of freedom. Here within these pages are your rules of engagement. Are you up for that challenge? Are you ready to be truly free? If so, the first thing you need to understand is why you are stuck in your current dilemma. Then you can begin to explore how to take hold of everything Jesus provided to get you out. If you feel despondent, discouraged, or hopeless at this very moment, bow your head and commit your life and situation to God. Pray this simple prayer: Lord Jesus, I commit my life and this situation to You. Forgive me for trying to do this alone. I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Heal me of my pain. Deliver me from the hands of my enemies. Grant me the peace in my heart that I need today. Give me wisdom to make the right decision and the resilience to resist the temptation to cave in under the pressure. Give me the strength to say no to the wrong things so that I may say yes to the right things. Amen. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. —HEBREWS 12:11, ESV

GOD'S ATTITUDE TOWARDS THOSE WHO STUCK IN SOME MESS:

John 3:17: "God didn't send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." FBV 

Mar 2:15-17: "That evening Jesus ate dinner at Levi's house. Many tax collectors and “sinners” joined Jesus and his disciples for the meal, for there were many of these people that followed Jesus. When the religious leaders of the Pharisees saw Jesus eating with such people, they asked Jesus' disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” When Jesus heard this, he told them, “It's not healthy people who need a doctor, but those who are sick. I haven't come to invite those who live right, but those who don't— the sinners.”" FBV

This is how a Christian author envisioned Jesus;

"Jesus did not suppress one word of truth, but He uttered it always in love. He exercised the greatest tact and thoughtful, kind attention in His intercourse with the people. He was never rude, never needlessly spoke a severe word, never gave needless pain to a sensitive soul. He did not censure human weakness. He spoke the truth, but always in love. He denounced hypocrisy, unbelief, and iniquity; but tears were in His voice as He uttered His scathing rebukes. He wept over Jerusalem, the city He loved, which refused to receive Him, the way, the truth, and the life. They had rejected Him, the Saviour, but He regarded them with pitying tenderness. His life was one of self-denial and thoughtful care for others. Every soul was precious in His eyes. While He ever bore Himself with divine dignity, He bowed with the tenderest regard to every member of the family of God. In all men He saw fallen souls whom it was His mission to save." Steps to Christ page 12, Ellen G White

Have you ever wondered why "sinners" seemed to enjoy Jesus' presence? Do you think He made it His main focus to redicule and shame them for their struggle with sin? Do you think He went around "exposing" them? My take is this, they were won over to Him because of His love. They felt safe from their vices when they were in His presence. When they were with Him that was the only time they felt peace and freedom.

ARE YOU STRUGGLING? (With pornography, masturbation and illicit sex addiction)

Do not lose hope Jesus demonstrated that God has a positive posture toward people struggling with your kind of issues. 

contact us: 

Title: Overcoming Temptation (Part 4)

Scripture: ‘Its fruit looked delicious… So she… ate it.’ Genesis 3:6.

Let’s look at the first time in Scripture anyone was tempted and see what we can learn. The Bible says, ‘The serpent was the shrewdest of all the [creatures] the Lord God had made… he asked the woman, “Did God really say…?”’ (Genesis 3:1) 

▪First, Satan will blind you to all the good things God has in store for you. 

▪Then he’ll take mood-altering substances like drugs or alcohol, or somebody else’s husband or wife, or internet porn, and tell you it won’t hurt you.

Don’t bite! He’s a liar! Don’t believe him! ‘Temptation comes from our own desires… These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters.’ (James 1:14–16) If no one is looking at you while you are sinning, it doesn’t mean no one is watching you, you might look to the left, right, in front and behind don't forget to look up and inside of you..

Any weakness that’s constantly indulged, excused, denied or hidden has the power to enslave you. Failure to identify and target your weakness strengthens it. Ignoring your areas of vulnerability makes defeat inevitable. Satan has assigned certain people to feed your weaknesses. Be discerning. Your weakness will be drawn to any friendship that accepts it, enjoys it and feeds on it. It has an agenda of its own—to take over your life and sabotage God’s plan for you. It’ll always bond with the wrong people and make you uncomfortable in the presence of the right ones. And it can emerge at any time, including your latter years.

So how do you overcome your weakness? Through willpower? No, through God’s power! And it’s available to you today—so reach for it!

Title: Overcoming Temptation (Part 3)

Scripture: ‘He ran from the house.’ Genesis 39:12.

The Bible says, ‘Joseph was a very handsome and well-built young man, and Potiphar’s wife… began to look at him lustfully. “Come and sleep with me,” she demanded. But Joseph refused. “Look,” he told her, “my master trusts me with everything in his entire household… How could I do such a wicked thing? It would be a great sin against God.” She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day, but he refused to sleep with her, and he kept out of her way as much as possible. One day, however, no one else was around when he went in to do his work. She came and grabbed him by his cloak, demanding, “Come on, sleep with me!” Joseph tore himself away, but he left his cloak in her hand as he ran from the house.’ (Genesis 39:6–12 )

Note the words: ‘She kept putting pressure on Joseph day after day.’ Joseph’s temptation kept happening when he was around a certain person: Potiphar’s wife. And it kept happening when he was in a certain place: Potiphar’s house. So he ran. Not because he was weak—but because he was wise! He understood that if you hang around temptation too long you’re playing with fire and setting yourself up to get ‘burned.’

So, what people and what places do you need to avoid? What sources of temptation do you need to remove from your life in order to live victoriously? Remember the old Kenny Rogers song: ‘You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em; know when to walk away and know when to run’? God isn’t dishonoured when you run—you’re dishonoured when you don’t!

Title: Overcoming Temptation (Part 2).

Scripture: ‘I have given you… [physical and mental strength].’ Luke 10:19.

We need to understand that temptations have a lot to do with sin, we also need to note that temptations have to do with failure in life, self doubt, low self esteem and anything and everything that brings you down or lower than your purpose and calling.

Here’s a plan for victory:

(1) No matter how often you fall, get back up! ‘Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again.’ (Proverbs 24:16) Becoming spiritually mature is a lifelong process. It happens every time you turn to God in weakness and allow Him to do for you what you can’t do for yourself. 

(2) Don’t deny it, deal with it. ‘The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.’ (Psalm 34:18) God always responds with grace to a repentant heart. He’ll meet you at your lowest point, walk with you through the valley of regret and repentance, and bring you out stronger. 

(3) Write down what you’ve learned through temptation. As you reflect on it you’ll see what needs to be ‘transformed by the renewing of your mind.’ (Romans 12:2) And be sure to write down new habits you want to integrate into your life—prayer, accountability to a friend, Bible reading and memorisation, identifying weak spots, and watching yourself more closely. 

(4) Use what you’ve learned. Jesus told Peter: ‘Satan has received permission to test all of you… But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith will not fail. And when you turn back to me … strengthen your brothers.’ (Luke 22:31–32) Let today mark a new beginning by using what you’ve learned not only to avoid falling again, but to help others facing temptation. 

(5) Believe you can walk in victory. Jesus said, ‘I have given you… [physical and mental strength…] over all the power that the enemy [possesses].’

Get rid of your ‘I can’t’ attitude, and draw today on God’s strength.

Overcoming Temptation (Part 1)

 

Scripture: ‘Nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.’ 2 Chronicles 20:12.

When Jesus told Peter he would soon deny his Lord, Peter virtually boasted, ‘Others may, but not me!’ Yet within a few hours he was swearing and disavowing any knowledge of Jesus. It can happen to any of us. The Bible says, ‘Each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own [particular] desires and enticed.’ (James 1:14 )

We all have areas of vulnerability which, if not disciplined by character and commitment, have the potential to defeat or even destroy us. What can you do? 

(1) Recognise it. Before you yield to temptation you usually go through certain stages. By neglecting prayer and Bible reading you become indifferent to God, insensitive to danger, and find yourself drawn like a moth to a flame. Then you begin to rationalise your disobedience and think, ‘Nobody knows. What harm will it do?’ And the more you silence the voice of conscience, the stronger your carnal appetites become. Then you surround yourself with people who do the same things, or are at least willing to look the other way. Jesus said, ‘Pray… that you may not enter into temptation.’ (Mark 14:38) Pray for strength before the temptation comes! 

(2) Reach for help. When Jehoshaphat came up against an enemy too big to handle alone, he prayed, ‘We have no power against this great multitude… nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.’ (2 Chronicles 20:12) Jehoshaphat knew he was no match for the enemy, and he knew where to turn for help.

What’s the secret of victory? Lean less on yourself and more on God!

YOU CAN'T DEFEAT DEMONS YOU ENJOY PLAYING WITH!

 

1Ths 5:22: "Keep away from everything that even looks like sin." NLV

"I don't know how it happened my brother, i had promised myself not to sleep with him again. Its just that i remembered that i had left my phone charger at his place so yesterday i went to collect it. I was just going to get into his room collect the charger and leave. I don't know what happened. When i was in the room with him i felt this electric current run through me and before i knew it we were having sex. I know i seem to be going back to the same issues i am trying to overcome."

You will never overcome your weakness until you take drastic measures.

Mt 5:29-30: "If you are vulnerable to visual temptation, then throw away the media and don't look at sensual material. You should be so resolutely committed to doing what is right that you would rather lose part of your body than lose eternal life. And if you are tempted by what you touch, then touch only that which is good. You should be so resolutely committed to doing what is right that you would rather lose part of your body than lose eternal life." The Remedy Bible

You really want to overcome?:

1. Stop going back to his/her place

2. Delete his/her number

3. Block his/her number

4. Delete your secret social media accout. (Stop talking to strangers)

5. Delete all your porn videos on the phone and laptop.

6. Exit the whatsapp group that sends porn.

7. Stop offering him/her a lift to and from work (Stop accepting the lift to and from work)

8. Stop flirting and sexting

9. Open up to a trusted and mature person about your struggle and be accountable to him/her.

You have to be committed to recovery and be prepared to take drastic measures in order to succeed.

ARE YOU STRUGGLING?

Do you feel stuck in pornography, masturbation and illicit sex?

Do not fight these battles ALONE, please reach out today.

Fight the New Drug

 

What’s The Average Age Of A Child’s First Exposure To Porn?

Some sources say 11 years old, but others say kids as young as 8 encounter porn. But what’s correct? Either way, we can all agree that it’s too young.

The truth is, it isn’t completely clear exactly how old most kids are when they’re first exposed to porn. Also, every child’s experience will be unique to them. But regardless of the average age, every child is different, and every child deserves to learn about sex, sexuality, and relationships from better sources than porn.

Based on available data, the likely age of a child’s first exposure to porn is around tween years. The majority of kids are exposed to porn by age 13, with some exposed as young as seven, according to a 2020 survey.1

But no matter how young, these incidents aren’t isolated cases, and it’s not like early porn exposure only happens to a small slice of people—in fact, in the United States, it happens to almost everybody before they leave their teens. A nationally representative estimate of U.S. youths (ages 14 to 18) exposed to pornography: 84.4% of males and 57% of females.

If you’re curious to see some anecdotal evidence for early porn exposure being the rule and not the exception, check out this tweet of ours and the hundreds of responses we got:

The responses range from, “6 years old. My older sisters found our mom’s boyfriend’s tape and played it,” to, “I tried to go on YouTube but ended up spelling it wrong by accident and launched a porn site. I was 8.”

Clearly, these cases aren’t isolated. Another estimate says that 93% of young men under the age of 18 have seen porn, along with 62% of young women of the same age.

It’s not exactly clear how these numbers compare to previous generations, but what is clear is that exposure to porn is happening earlier than it ever used to, and it’s more hardcore and accessible than it ever used to be. For previous generations, the story was almost always the same—a young boy or girl finds an adult magazine found on the side of the road, taken from the garbage, or swiped from an older sibling’s “secret” hiding place.

Finding porn is easier than ever

The images in these types of magazines were far tamer than the content that’s available today with one simple click or misspelled search term, and there was another major difference too—hardcore or explicit content wasn’t available everywhere.

It’s an obvious difference, but porn has quite simply become far easier to find in many more places than it ever used to be, which makes the likelihood of early exposure much higher.

And consider this. If 60% of 10 and 11-year-olds have smartphones, is it really all that surprising that, sometimes, they encounter porn online whether they’re looking for it or not?

Early exposure and real consequences

It’s not surprising that these numbers have skyrocketed, but that’s only half of the equation. Young people are being exposed to porn much earlier, but that porn is often much more extreme than it ever used to be.

That can be worrying, because studies have shown that kids who have been exposed to hardcore images and videos can be more likely to want to repeat what they’ve seen without exactly understanding the meaning or the impact of what they’ve seen. That’s led to scenarios in which younger and younger girls and boys are being pressured into sexual acts by their peers and learning that sex is about fear, violence, and domination—not love, intimacy, and connection.

At the same time, limiting access to porn is much more difficult than it’s ever been. Even if the home computer and family mobile devices are safeguarded, there’s always a friend with a smartphone or unchecked internet access, and not even the most diligent parents can be 24/7 watchdogs. With the way things are right now, early exposure to porn is almost impossible to control completely. But, it’s not all bad news.

Fighting to educate those around us

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. Even if porn consumption is happening earlier than ever and at an all-time high rate, parents shouldn’t be entirely discouraged. We live in a time where there is less of a deafening silence around this issue, and anyone can get help who might need it.

There are tons of resources for parental figures to navigate talking to their kids about sex and porn, and talking about it early.

And like never before, there are also amazing resources for those who might be struggling with an obsession or compulsion to porn. Now, more than ever, there is hope.

With our better understanding of exactly how porn can harm and why it isn’t healthy to watch, we can better equip those around us to understand why they shouldn’t go looking for it, and even if they’ve already seen it, it’s not worth watching. Running away from the issue won’t help to equip the next generation to think critically about porn and make educated decisions.

Now, more than ever, is the perfect time to step up and speak out about the harms of porn.